


Old England of New Loves

by ZoeLeeAngelis



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Almost put an spoiler on the tags, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex-Auror Shane Madej, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hogwarts, I'm Sorry, Insomnia, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Professor Ryan Bergara, Professor Shane Madej, Psychological Trauma, Ryan is a helper, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Strangers to Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeLeeAngelis/pseuds/ZoeLeeAngelis
Summary: A year after getting out of the auror force, Shane is surprised when he receives an invitation to be the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in Hogwarts, but is even more surprised when he accepts it.So he is now a professor, but a professor with a long past to overcome if he wants to follow with his life.
Relationships: Andrew Ilnyckyj/Steven Lim, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Old England of New Loves

**Author's Note:**

> Today's playlist consists on angst songs, because this chapter killed my heart.
> 
> On today's suggestions we have:  
> Halsey - Nightmare  
> Lewis Capaldi - Hold me while you wait  
> Noah Cyrus - July  
> Demi Lovato - Skyscraper  
> Harry Styles - Falling

The night was clean compared to the days that preceded it. The stars were shining amongst the clouds, and even the moon could be seen. Shane was there, inside one of the boats that took the first year students to the castle. He sat right besides Rubeus Hagrid, having only other two students with them in their boat.

Shane kinda regreted not coming to the school a few days prior, but his busy life did not helped him in any way possible. His mother made him stay until the last day she could have with her son, and some other things around London kept him there. So Shane could only come to Hogwarts on September 1st, amongst the students.

It wasn’t a bad thing, but now he was just looking like a stranger in the middle of all those children.

He watched the castle coming near and near, the boat travel coming to an end. He thanked Rubeus and went in front of the students, going up all those stairs, not really feeling that he needed to wait for them.

He was a professor now, the weight of it only coming to him at this moment. Those children would be drinking from his knowledge, and he could only hope to do not make any of them terrorized, or drunk.

Shane arrived through the grand staircase, McGonagall waiting near the entrance of the great hall. Upon seeing him, the woman stepped a little further away from the door, coming near the man.

– Welcome, Professor Madej. It’s an honor to meet you again. – She said, greeting Shane with a handshake and a fast hug.

– The pleasure is mine, Professor McGonagall. – Shane breath deeply before continuing. – I’m very sorry I couldn’t arrive a few days prior, I still had some affairs to solve in London that kept me there.

– There is no problem with it. I’m glad you could arrive at least with our students. – She went near the entrance of the great hall, pointing to the inside. – You can get yourself at the principal table, I’ll send your baggages to your class, your bedroom is in one of the doors there, up some stairs. If you excuse me, I need to receive the first year students at the chamber of reception.

She just turned on her heels, going to whatever she needed to go. An elf called Shane’s attention, getting his luggage and disappearing right after.

He got inside the great hall, already receiving some attention from a few students that weren’t talking with others. His guess was that him in full suit was just a little bit scary, complemented with his serious face. He just followed straight to the principal table, going up the few stairs there, and also calling the attention of an old friend at the table.

– It’s just my impression or Shane Alexander Madej is in Hogwarts? – Kinsey, his old classmate from Durmstrang times was already hugging Shane, the last curving a little his spine to get to a better high to the “just-a-little-bit-shorter-than-him” woman.

Old inside joke they had from when they met the first time, many, many years ago.

– Is nice to see you here too, Kinsey Ilse Weber-Couture. But not really sure about what you’re doing here. – The separated from each other, the woman slapping him on the shoulder and then exhibited her signature lip smile while Shane just holded a laugh.

– I was really happy when you accepted the position for teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts. But I’m still quite intrigued about the why you left the aurors a year ago.

– Just… – Shane was now involved in thoughts, ones he wished to erase from his memory. This was totally something he did not wanted to talk about. – Just a few things happened, and I decided that the best for me was to leave the ministry behind.

– I understand. I hope you’re okay. The amount of letters that your brother sent me to visit you every day he couldn’t were big. At least I now have something to use as firestarter in my fireplace.

He shrugged, letting a small sight leave his lips and holding a laugh.

Scott Finn Madej was really worried when Shane decided to leave the auror department, but there wasn’t something he could do to convince him of coming back. It wasn’t just a few things, but he couldn’t let himself make other people carry his problems for him, above all his own brother, so keeping everything with himself was the best he could do.

Even his parents were worried at the time, but he couldn’t tell them everything too. So he only let slip things that couldn’t make any of them want to carry his cross.

– Let’s sit, the sorting ceremony will start shortly. – Kinsey said, guiding Shane to sit beside her, near one of the ends of one side of the big table.

Shane presented himself to a few teachers that were near him, staying quiet a little after. He was totally tired of traveling, but at least his classes would start only on monday, and today was yet friday.

A few days to prepare classes was always good.

McGonagall arrived at the great hall with the first years right on her toe, the sorting hat already positioned to the ceremony. She greeted all the students briefly before starting.

Each house celebrating each new member, the new students probably having a quite warm feeling about being received with love.

At Durmstrang they didn’t had things like this, the warmest feeling received only when the classes started and some of the teachers weren’t as terrible as some people made believe. Shane’s only thought was that it was really good that the students could have a helping base since the beginning by their housemates.

At the end, McGonagall went to put the hat away and came back, the owl podium already on it’s place for her speech. She didn’t took long to start.

– Again, welcome, students. It’s an honor to have all of you here. To the new heads amongst us, welcome to your first year with us, and I can only hope that you have a pleasant time for the next years with us. And to our dear seniors, already in their last year with us, I hope we could teach you everything and you have learned the maximum you could from us, because now the world awaits for your next journey.

The students applauded briefly, and soon she continued her speech.

– Without further delay, I have some news to communicate to you. – She sighed a little, gaining her composure after a small pause. – As most of you already know, our last year Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher had an incident during the end of our last year and had to excuse himself from his position, but we have already found a new teacher to have this important position amongst our staff table.

The murmurs of the students sat for a while before Minerva called the students attention again.

– Professor Shane Madej is your new DADA teacher, he worked many years in our Ministry of Magic, as also the Polish Ministry of Magic, as an auror.

Feeling his cue, Shane got up from his chair, bowing slightly to all the students before sitting again.

– I hope from the bottom of my heart that all of you accept the changes and we can move forward with our year. The school calendar is going to be put in your common rooms murals, as also with any other further notifications throughout the year. To those interested in this year quidditch competitions, your will receive more news on monday. Without further delay, have a good dinner, and I hope this year all of you have a great time with us. Good evening.

And with that, the students applauded loudly, the sound reverberating through the great hall. The food appeared as magic on the tables, and now the students started talking between them, new students presenting themselves and old friends catching up on each others lifes.

Shane could feel a few looks in his direction, but he didn’t bothered looking back. He was very much acostumatted with looks since in his old job he received even more attention than this.

Journalists could be quite annoying sometimes.

He just took a few things to his plate, not really hungry. Travelling always messed with his stomach, and he was too tired to eat too much.

Shane engaged in a conversation with Kinsey about some things, but always leaving things about his old job a little bit more hidden. There were a lot of things that he didn’t liked to talk about.

Kinsey Weber-Couture, old friend of his, knew each other in their respectives first years in Durmstrang. Shane could be born in the US, but he lived most of his life in Poland and Germany. His father was quite an strict man, so he went to Durmstrang instead of going back to the States. Kinsey was probably his only friend in all those school years, but he was definitely not her only friend.

She was too sociable for this.

She also worked in the Polish Ministry of Magic at the same time Shane did, but in other department. But Shane worked there for eight years, and she only four. Right after that she became a teacher. And Shane was sent to England during some investigations, and decided to stay there. For six years, until he left last year.

Some things happened during his last years as an auror, and now he decided to just accept a job as a teacher in Hogwarts. Not that he didn’t liked teaching, he already helped many years in the auror program to prepare young fellas, but it was not something even he was expecting he would accept.

The best way to explain Shane’s new found life was that he didn’t even understood how life worked, and he was going with the flow.

He was totally not expecting to work anymore, he just wanted to settle his life, stop a little to think.

Well, he couldn’t say he didn’t took a time for himself, he stayed a full year on his house, learning how to work on the garden, learning how to cook proper good meals, learning small things about life, even reading more books that he was used to. He thought a lot during his off year, probably more than he should’ve.

But he was here now, and he should stop thinking about is past for a while if he wanted to give his best to his students. He could think about the past after, but not now.

The desserts soon served, Shane deciding upon a small piece of chocolate cake and half cup of tea. He didn’t wanted to eat, but he knew very well how Kinsey was looking forward about his health habits.

He had a few eating problems in the past, and the other’s mother side always showed to everyone when it implicated food. Kinsey was always helping everyone, but unlike Shane, she also liked being helped.

Shane excused himself after a while, leaving half of the piece of cake he put on his plate and an empty cup. Most of the students already followed to their respective common rooms, not many yet behind.

He followed through the corridors, exploring the place for a while. He knew very well already were his class was, but he wanted a time for himself before bed that didn’t included looking to his bedroom walls.

Shane found himself outside the castle, by the great lake. He knew about the giant squid and hoped to see it at some time. The wind was blowing lightly through his clothes and his face. Shane only hiding his hands on his pants pockets.

Since there was no one there, he just let himself drift into deep thoughts. He thought a little about his life, more about his parents, even more about his brother, but mainly about the cactus he created a small bond with throughout his years of solitude.

He was deftly going to ask his parents to send his cactus to Hogwarts. He was a good friend that shouldn't be left alone.

Maybe a few other plants he bonded with in the last year also. They’re also good friends. They reminded Shane that other small lives depended on him and he should not give up.

His thoughts were interrupted when a voice a few meters behind him called for his attention. He turned around, seeing a figure standing there with a candle on its hands.

– I think it’s time for bed, Professor Madej.

Shane let his head hang a bit to the side, trying to make sense to the stranger that they didn’t knew each other, yet. Gladly, it didn’t took look for the other to see the small communication problem.

– Oh, I’m sorry. Bad habit... I’m Ryan Bergara, the divination teacher. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

– The pleasure is mine, Professor. I would present myself if you didn’t knew my name already.

– Kinsey told us about you a few times before. – Ryan said. – You’re quite known in the staff table, Sir Auror.

– Nah, I’m not an auror anymore, there’s no need to call me that. Kinsey liked to call me that for many years, old jokes.

The silence settled itself for a while. It was not uncomfortable, and probably the first time Shane didn’t felt oppressed by it. It was a good type of silence. But Ryan talked after a while, trying to fill in the silence in some way.

– As elegant as you are in your suit, we normally use robes to teach here. – He said, and probably for the first time Shane felt overdressed. – I’m not saying you couldn’t teach in a suit it’s just that… I-I think you could feel more comfortable in robes.

Shane let a small laugh come out from his lips, breaking a little the tension Ryan created with his way of phrasing things.

– I have robes on my baggages, just didn’t felt like changing to just have dinner. – Shane said, moving to a little more near Ryan so he could talk a little less loud. – You don’t need to worry, I’ll follow your dress code.

– I-It’s not a dress code, just habit, sorry.

– There’s no need to apologize, Professor.

– Call me Ryan, it will be easier.

– Then you can call me Shane.

Shane extended his hand to shake Ryan’s, but the other gave a small step backwards.

– S-Sorry, I don’t like touching other peoples hands.

– Oh… – Shane got his hand back on his pocket, letting a small awkward smile on his lips. – Sorry, it’s a habit.

Both of them looked in each others eyes, starting to laugh. They laughed for a good minute, Shane already passing his hands on his face, consecutively through his hair and letting both of them together behind his head, near the beginning of his neck.

– I think it’s getting late, we should go inside. McGonagall has an habit of closing the castle doors at night. – Ryan said, and Shane just agreed with his head.

Both of them followed the way back to the castle, going inside, already seeing McGonagall going in the direction of the door they just passed through, ready to close that one.

They went up the stairs, Shane stopping right on the first floor and saying bye to Ryan, who kept going up. Shane followed to his class, opening the door with a key that he was keeping on his set inside his suit pocket.

He followed inside the place, closing the door behind him. The tables were covered in white sheets, a bit of dust everywhere. Shane would totally put some spells to seal the windows to when they were closed. At the teacher’s table there were some boxes, probably the old teacher’s things. He would ask McGonagall what to do with those the next day, if he remembered.

The big windows were quite dirty, needing to be clean also. This could totally be one of those sceneries of those muggle horror movies his brother presented him with. It was also quite cold, and very dark, but the moon quite helped Shane to see most of the things without the need of using the Lumus.

The room needed a full cleanup if Shane wanted to have the right mindset to teach at the place.

Shane followed to the stairs in the further corner, going up them. He unlocked the door there with another key, going inside the bedroom and locking the door behind himself.

His luggage was in a corner there, the room exhibiting two windows and a door on the other side, probably a small bathroom for himself. The bed looked old by sight, but the mattress there was a new one as it looked like. The walls looked like they’ve received a lot of wallpapers during the years, needing also a cleanup.

There were bookshelves in there, as also in the opposite walls of his classroom. He would see about books in the morning, too tired to pay attention to more details than he already gave his attention.

Shane went to the chest at the foot of the bed, opening it with an “Alohomora” since it was locked, and he was not having patience to look for a key anywhere. There were bedsheets in there, and some pillows. Shane prepared his bed with the most calm possible, having no need to rush.

He could be tired, but hushing things would only complicate his life.

He finished, going to the bathroom to take a bath and change into comfortable clothes. He laid on the bed, don’t even taking long for him to fall asleep.

[...]

The sun didn’t make itself present in the morning as Shane was used to in his own house, it was only near the windows, and his bed, for the love of Merlin upon his life, was at the other side of the bedroom. Shane got up from his bed after a few minutes, after putting his thoughts in their designated places.

He took a shower, wanting to start the day fresh. The weather was quite clear, so he just putted a white long sleeve button up shirt and his grey pants. He decided that only his waistcoat was enough for the day since he needed to go to Hogsmeade after breakfast, and having a full suit on this weather was not going to be pleasant. He put on his social shoe and got out of the place.

Shane locked the door of his bedroom, going down the small flight of stairs, now seeing the classroom better than the prior night. He could now clearly see all the dust, and much more than he thought it would have on that place.

He could only ask himself since when the students were not having DADA classes.

After going down the rest of the stairs, he entered the great hall, that had much more light on it, with the help of all the windows in there. Shane just went to the staff table, seeing that most students weren’t there yet, not even all the professors. He had no idea about what time it was, but probably was still kinda early for a saturday.

He sat at the same chair as the day before, relaxing there for a few minutes before deciding to take something to eat. Kinsey showed up a time after Shane started eating, much more like a bird, small pieces and slow.

– Good morning, Shane. – She said, sitting in the chair besides his. – How was your first night in Hogwarts? Slept well?

If her mother side was showing up this early in the morning, Shane couldn’t wait to see the rest of the day.

– Quite well. I can’t say I’m not tired anymore, but at least I slept.

Kinsey nodded with her head and took food for herself, and both of them just sat there, eating in silence.

At some point, Shane got his eyes out of his plate and sat them at the door of the hall, seeing right the moment Ryan got inside the place, receiving a lot of “good mornings” from the students.

He was loved amongst the students as Shane could see.

Ryan gave a wave to Shane and some other teachers, sitting almost on the other side of the table. Shane only took his eyes of the other when Kinsey nudged him with her elbow.

– I see you already know Ryan. – She had as smug smile on her lips.

– I met him last night, by the lake.

– What were you doing by the lake at night, Shane? Are you trying to get sick? – She was trying her best to not scream.

– I was just… – Shane thought well before saying. – … thinking a little, about some things.

– You should verbalize your thoughts more often, you know, keep things in your head is going to make you crazy and sick if your thinking spot is by the lake late at night. – She said, putting a piece of cake on the side of Shane’s plate. – And you need to eat more too. You’re too skinny for your own good.

– Okay, mother bird.

She smacked a hand in Shane’s arm, who made a false pain face to her, putting himself to eat the rest of the things in his plate, and now also the piece of cake.

Right after breakfast, Shane didn’t even said anything before Kinsey started dragging him to Hogsmeade. They kept an small talk about things in life, Kinsey saying a lot of philosophical thoughts for a saturday morning.

They went to a lot of stores, Shane buying some notebooks for himself and a few pair of calligraphy pens in one of the places. He forgot his pens in his house, only remembering about them already at the trainstation the day before, so he definitely needed a few more.

He found the Dogweed and Deathcap store in the middle of his shopping section, and that’s how he ended up having lunch with Kinsey in one chair and cactus in another at the Three Broomsticks.

Some of the other clients, locals and a few bunch of students, were totally giving odd glances to Shane’s new found friend, Mrs Lena. She was a respectable lady plant, and so many glances were making her think she was a star already. And she was quite big already, Shane was totally going to put her in one of the corners in his classroom.

After lunch, Shane, Kinsey and Mrs Lena made a stop at the mail office, Shane writing a few words to his parents about find a way to bring some of his plants to the castle and asking how they have been, also giving them the news that he arrived safely. He gave the coins to the guy at the balcony with the envelope, going with Kinsey to wherever she wanted to go now before they needed to go back to the castle.

And it was quite late already when they finally arrived back at the castle. They made a first stop on Shane’s room so he could left Mrs Lena there with the things he bought, and then went to the fifth floor right after, where Kinsey had her classroom.

Her classroom was totally much more bright then Shane’s, and probably all the other teacher’s were too since their time at the castle was longer than his. But it also had a much lighter vibe than Shane’s, he could only think about how much bad things happened at his classroom on the years prior.

And about how much magical cleanse he was going to do.

Both went to the great hall, already taking their places at the staff table. Kinsey made him eat the most she could before sending Shane back to his bedroom to sleep more. He didn’t protested at any time, he knew very well how she could get angry if he said something back.

But in the middle of his bath, Shane for some reason lost track of what he was doing, rubbing the skin on his arms with the sponge a little bit rougher than he should be doing. His mind was starting playing with him, and it was only the second day at the castle.

It would take a little time, work and effort for Shane to familiarize with the new routine. His brain liked to play tricks with him sometimes, and big changes on his life only helped with this.

He got out of the shower, feeling a little uncomfortable on his forearms because of how he rubbed it, but he decided to just let it be. It would be better in the morning, he was sure, but doing nothing was the best he could do for now.

Shane just flopped in the bed at fell asleep right away, his mind sending him to the depths of his own core.

[...]

He woke up in the middle of the night, breathing deep and feeling his sweat run down his skin. Shane sat on the bed, trying his best to calm himself down before laying on the bed again.

It had been a long time since he last had a nightmare like this. Or even a better way to describe it, a night terror attack.

Shane had them since a very young age, which only got worse with the years, but had a decrease in the last year since he finally left the auror force and settled himself a little. But now the new changes were hitting him like a brick, or even a better way to describe it, he was being hit by a fucking train with full force.

He looked at the ceiling and looked at himself, and upon seeing he was not going to sleep so earlier, he decided to do the next logical thing: get up from bed.

Shane got out of his bedroom, lighting a candle and leaving it on top of the teacher table on his classroom. He couldn’t see much, but what he saw was a dark place that he, under no circumstance, was not going to work at. So he put himself to work.

He took his wand and started doing simple cleaning spells to take all the dust from the place. It took a time, but he had the entire time in the world at that point in the morning.

After taking all the dust off, Shane made the manual job of taking all the sheets of the furniture, folding all of them and leaving on top of one of the tables. He took the candle with him after and looked to all the books that he had there in the shelves, putting everything on a better way of finding what you needed.

A few hours in and the sun was finally starting to make itself present. And Shane did the only logical thing he could. He placed all the rest of the things on their places as fast as he could, getting out of his classroom and running through the castle halls.

He ended up unlocking one of the doors, getting out of the place and stopping near the greenhouses, where the sun was coming up. If someone looked at him, he was totally looking like a child looking the sun coming up. The rays of sunshine were hitting his skin, making Shane breath a little bit better than he was during his organization time.

Shane was so distracted that he didn’t even realized he was being watched by some teachers that woke up in the middle of his comotion to get outside. His eyes were now closed and his head hanging back.

He was breathing.

He was breathing, he was breathing too much, too fast.

Shane opened his eyes, looking at the forest that surrounded the castle. But then he couldn’t see anymore, and he realized that there were tears covering his vision.

He used on of his hands to touch on the front of his neck, feeling something bothering him there, but he didn’t knew what.

Then, images, old images he hoped for so long that would get out of his mind started flooding his vision. And then, for some reason, he could smell blood. He could smell so much blood, and his breath was itching.

It took him a few minutes to realize how strong his own grip on his other arm, his nails deep on his skin. His brain made next logical thing, and then Shane ran again. He passed through the teachers there, ignoring their looks. It was no the first time he had an attack in front of other people, but he really did not wanted to answer questions at that point.

He ran back to his classroom, following up to his bedroom. He went to the bathroom, turning on the shower and started cleaning his mess up. Shane didn’t saw the moment Kinsey got inside the bathroom, but then she was cleaning everything for him. He tried to get out of her arms, but she hold him tight, not leaving at any moment.

And then, tears started going down his face again. He hated other people helping him, whatever the things were. We was all up to help people, but just the thought of having someone helping him made him quite bothered.

He saw himself laid on bed some time later, his nail wounds already closed. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, his face stained with the tears that fell down. It took some time to Shane process that there was someone else besides Kinsey on his bedroom.

The sound of the cup hitting a saucer took him out of his head. He took his eyes out of the ceiling, looking to the person in question. Ryan. Ryan was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding a cup of, by the smell, tea. Kinsey was on her feet right beside the other. both of them were talking to each other.

The hem of his night robe sleeve was wet, probably because of him trying to clean his arm. Shane took one of his hands to his own forehead, feeling just a little bit warmer than normally.

His breath was way better, no signs of an increasing attack coming to him. He sat on the bed, resting his back on the headboard. Both pair of eyes now on him.

– You can’t continue keeping things for yourself, Shane. – Kinsey was the first to fill the silence, anger and worry filling her voice. Shane knew what she meant, keeping bad things of his head, but it was not like we could just erase everything.

Ryan just passed the cup of tea to Shane’s hands, giving him a small understanding smile. Shane took a sip of the tea, not that cold anymore. He was asking himself now how much time passed while he was laid on his bed, just looking to the ceiling.

Shane was feeling tired, his body was sore in some places. He made himself finish the cup of tea in his hands with calm. He couldn’t do things hushing. It took several minutes, the silence was a good one. Kinsey at that point had already also sat on the bed, both her and Ryan looking him drink the rest of his tea.

He gave the cup back to Ryan, saying a low “thanks”, as the other gave him a small smile. He was pretty with is small smiles, Shane could notice.

– Sleep for a while, I’ll come to see you after with something for you to eat, okay? – Kinsey said, and Shane just gave her a small nod.

He laid on the bed, Kinsey promptly taking the blankets and covering him with them. Ryan only looked, getting up from the bed and getting out of the bedroom with Kinsey.

It didn’t took a long time before Shane drifted to his sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If you saw the small thing about “not give up” at some point, yeah, I’m maybe referring to what you’re thinking it is, but maybe not, I have no idea what you’re thinking about.
> 
> (Yeah, it’s mildly reference to giving up on life, and yeah, I have terapeutic cactuses and other small plants in my house for a reason)
> 
> If you need any help with anything, hit me up, send some smoke signs, call me on twitter: @littlemagnolia_


End file.
